Roots of childhood anxiety
- Permissiveness – harmful?
- How many dangers – so many restrictions?
Psychologist Inessa Spinka told how anxiety manifests itself in children.
Boundaries and landmarks are important for a child – this allows him to more confidently interact with the outside world. If they are not installed, then the anxiety of such a baby may increase.
Permissiveness – harmful?
Any healthy and active baby is characterized by curiosity. He explores this world in every possible way, tasting or touching it.
He has not yet developed a sense of self-preservation, or rather, it is replaced by the parent’s concern for a new family member. That is why it is so important to set boundaries so that the child can explore this world based on the experience of adults.
For example, restrictions are needed for proper socialization. So, even in the sandbox, a mother or grandmother explains to the baby that it is not good to take other people’s things without asking.
This is the norm of communication, which is laid down in childhood through the policy of restriction.
However, if such a taboo does not concern the life and health of the baby, then it is worth explaining how you can “get around” it: ask for a toy you like or offer to change for a while.
Agree, to participate in the game, the rules of which are incomprehensible, is very difficult and disturbing.
Gradually growing up, more and more opportunities open up before the child, but the number of restrictions also grows – this is a normal practice that allows him to feel comfortable both at home and in society.
If no restrictions are introduced, then this will lead to a feeling of insecurity and discomfort, because even in ordinary everyday situations the child will not be sure that he is doing the right thing.
Is it possible to offend a weaker comrade? What if he attacks first? Incorrect work with restrictions in preschool age is one of the causes of school bullying, which is why the norms of communication laid down in childhood are so important.
How many dangers – so many restrictions?
Of course, in everything you need to know the measure. If you ban everything in a row, then the credibility of such taboos will eventually become low, and the authority of the parent will be questioned.
It is important to use limiting words only where it is really harmful or dangerous, and do it confidently.
In no case should prohibitions be accompanied by jokes and smiles, otherwise it will be difficult for the baby to understand how important they are in his life. To make it clearer, it is better to accompany the prohibitions with explanations.
Provided that you are listened to and understood, of course.
“You can’t put foreign objects into the outlet, because that way you can hurt yourself,” for example, like this. However, the child must understand: if a parent told him a limiting word, like “no” or “stop”, then you need to respond correctly and immediately.
Sometimes there is no time for reasoning, for example, when the baby suddenly pulls out his hand and runs into the roadway.
Another option is to rank the degree of danger so that the child understands the shades of your prohibition. If a limiting word is used, then this is a prohibition of the highest power of action, which must be obeyed immediately.
If the limits are set, but in certain situations they can be violated, then this is already a lower-level prohibition.
For example, you can’t lie, but there is such a thing as “lying for good”, which can be discussed with a schoolchild. The daily routine is also a certain limiter, but of a lower order, because it can sometimes be rebuilt and changed depending on the circumstances.
However, it is very important, as it makes life predictable and predictable, reducing the level of anxiety.
If a child understands that after dinner he will have a daytime sleep, then an afternoon snack and a walk, and he will watch cartoons only before going to bed, for example, then he does not have unnecessary questions that can lead to the formation of a negative emotional background.
Summing up, I would like to emphasize that in our everyday life the role of prohibitions and restrictions is often underestimated, and it is their competent use that helps to reduce the level of anxiety in a child and contributes to his healthy and harmonious development.